My Body

No filter. No edits. Just me.

For a while I wasn't in love with my body. Now, I'm still not 100% happy with my body--HOWEVER, I do love my body. 

Look, this is a pretty risky photo. "OMG! She's shirtless!" Um...bathing suits are basically underwear. So it is ok for me to parade around in a bikini on the beach or on a stage but I can't post this? Here's the thing, I took this photo not because I wanted to send it to someone I am currently dating or because I wanted attention. No. I took this picture because I was changing into jeans and a t-shirt and felt 100% in love with my body. ONE HUNDERED PERCENT. Seriously, I wish I was dating someone because quite honestly I really did want to share my love for my body with someone. So here it my declaration to my body--I LOVE YOU. 

In all seriousness, I haven't been in love with my body recently. I have been fat shaming myself for a while now. For those of you that don't know what fat shaming is it is the act of verbally or mentally putting you or someone else down for not being at any desired weight or shape.

Now, I know of plenty of reasons as to why I have been fat shaming but the main reason boils down to one deadly sin--envy. Envy: (noun) a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

I envy all of my friends that have been really working hard towards getting a really great body. I envy those that at naturally thin. I envy those that I follow on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter. I envy my fellow pageant sisters during a swimsuit portion. I have been envying every girl that dates someone I have previously dated.

Since I have been really working on just me--completely ignoring all of those feeling of envy and really trying hard to convert that envy into empowerment...I've been feeling much better about myself.

Envy into enpowerment is a new thing I thought of to help me cope with my situation. Instead of putting down myself, I empower the other person by complimenting them or even just simply liking their photo. Simple compliments like, "WOW! You look amazing!" Or "Get it girl!" For me there is a true reward in seeing someone's face light up at an honest compliment. Of course, I have slipped up and felt bad for myself on occasion but with time I am sure that it will fade. 

Here's where I started with this new thing: I unfollowed, deleted, blocked, ignored all the things that made me doubt myself. Those things being fitness posts, people that weren't exactly making me feel good about myself, other people's progress pictures--blah blah blah. After I did that I changed my bio on Instagram to, "Just do you, boo." A mantra I had said to plenty of people and to myself when self-doubt happened.

That was just the start. And it was great. It helped but I still found those people or hashtags in my recent searches. So what I had to do was really focus on me. Me, me, me. That is where I am at right now. I'm really giving myself some time to just remember why I find myself beautiful. For all the skin-deep reasons and more.

I love my body. For all my flaws. For all my weaknesses. For all the things I am working towards improving. And I have been slowly but surely been inching my way back to REEEALLY improving my physic.  But hey, I have self-love and that is enough...for now. ;)