Annoyed With Dating

By December 28th, 2015 I will be twenty-four years old and never had a boyfriend.  I'm not saying that this is a miracle and I'm not fishing for any comments about being single for so long.  I'm just here to explain my reasoning as to why I and very annoyed with dating.

There is a post out there that basically says, "This generation is messed up.  Girls are to scared to love, boys are too scared to show emotion.  Every one puts on a face and is heartless."  It's not only that, all people want to do these days is play house, have sex but they aren't looking for a relationship.  And I'll be honest, I've been the girl to say, "I don't want a relationship right now" or "I don't believe in relationships" only because what I was exposed to was that people my age weren't looking for potential husband or wife.  And if I'm being honest with myself, at the time I really wasn't looking to settle down.  Not that I'm now looking to settle down with someone but I think if you communicate things right and if you hear certain cues, you can really save yourself the trouble of ending up with a dead-end person.

Now, dead-end people have their time and place.  Someone wise once described these people as "plus-one" relationships.  These are the people that you keep at bay.  You know when  you are invited to a party and you have to bring a date but you aren't dating anyone at the time and you don't want to give someone the wrong idea if you invite them...this is where your "plus-one" comes in handy, boo.  They are the people you hit up when you are feeling lonely.  They are the ones that you go for beers with.  They are the ones who take you out for food every once in a while. These are the poor souls who you are attracted to and you guys have good chemistry but you honestly don't see a future with them.  A really good quote from dead-end relationships I've heard and said, "I'm not ready for a relationship right now but I really like hanging out with you."

There are so many signs of ending up as a plus-one and half of the time you don't even know you are one. Something I've heard a lot from people these days are "breaks" in relationships [insert eye roll here].  I'm not saying that they don't work or anything but if they do...honey, that is exception and not the rule.  If you really want to get back with them later on there is the whole "conversation" that some people want to have.  The best scenario is when you both just agree that things happened when you weren't together and that shouldn't mean anything if you both want to move forward together.  Another other painful thing I've heard, "We've been dating for a long time and he doesn't want to meet my family/friend/go to an event with me." The reason is because he thinks that one more step closer to alter or being official.  If you've found yourself here and you don't know how you got here it is probably because you missed something or you failed to have a clear vision of what you expected...or many it was a fluke...who knows.

You can save yourself from being or finding a plus-one or a dead-end person. If they say they aren't ready for a relationship, then they probably aren't ready for a relationship.  If you are on a date and they say, "I always go out every weekend with just my friends to the newest bar/club" Then they probably aren't ready for a relationship.  If they only call or text you after 10pm.  If they text you "Hey" but when you respond you don't get any reply back.  If they are asking for a sexy/cute text and they have not earned that sexy/cute text.  If they ask you to come over and never take you out.  If you ever feel like you are only there when it is convenient for them and it is never about you...boo boo, you are a plus-one, honey!

Here is the worst thing...You my friend, are far too valuable to be a plus-one or a dead-end for someone.  Even if that is what you need right now...  If they aren't ready for a relationship but you are, move on.  If they still want you they can go find you.  If they are always going out but you aren't into that scene, find one who you have things in common with.  Don't respond to the booty-call text or call that happens whenever they are in the mood.  If they don't respond back after texting you then stop giving them the effort and attention they are looking for.  Make them earn those cute or sexy texts and say, "I think you have me mistaken for future me who has been dating you for quite some time now" or here's an idea...don't text back.  Leave if all they want to do is have sex with you.  Even if both of you do want to be each other's "plus-ones" it doesn't last long without becoming complicated.  Your time, your heart, your value surpasses the title of "dead-end" or "plus-one" when you are looking for someone to love.

Here's why I'm so very annoyed with dating: I want love.  It takes so much to see past all the people who aren't looking for something more than just sex.  It takes so much to not get caught up in thinking "this is what dating should be like because everyone else dates like this everyone else acts like this".  Some people think that love means that it's over, she/he just wants to settle down and have 2.5 kids.  For me it's not.  I just like to think that there are people out there who aren't trying to just get in my pants and actually gives a rat's behind about my feelings over sex.  "This generation is messed up.  Girls are to scared to love, boys are too scared to show emotion.  Every one puts on a face and is heartless."  How about just, "Every one puts on a face."  It's hard to date.  It's hard to let go of insecurities and that's what makes it so hard to get to know people.  That's just a small portion of what I think these days...  Obviously there is more to be said about it all but I just wanted to vent.