Lukewarm

It's funny.  If you asked my friends or my co-workers or any of my classmates if I was boy-crazy they would most likely answer yes.  However, I've never had a boyfriend and I haven't been dating anyone in a while.

I will always admit that I lack the ability to be vulnerable.  I remain pretty indifferent and unenthused by a lot of people.  I'm not saying that I'm not friendly.  If you are reading this, you are probably a friend and would say that I am a people person.  To those that are curious or don't know me too well, my personality is ESFP.

I suppose with the people I come into contact with are those that aren't exactly the demographics that I'm searching for.  And look, if it isn't a perfect match I still take the time to get to know them.  However, I'm not going to spend all of my life hanging out with a person who I have lukewarm feelings over.  Trust me it isn't easy letting go of something that has made me feel exhilarated and excited at one point and then turned into something that was bland.  I'm not sorry for spending my time experiencing more of life and less time eating unflavored, cold, no butter, no maple syrup grits.

Let's be real here.  I've seen a lot of the dating world.  I haven't been in a ton of relationships but I have had my share of hurt and annoyances.  I have been strung along by someone that has had lukewarm feelings for me.  I have been caught up in someone who played mind-games with me. I have been through plenty of instances where I had no idea how the other person felt about me.  At this point I am pretty darn proud of myself for still standing.  And yes I have made really bold moves when it has comes to asking men out.  I have given guys my number and I have been rejected from time to time so to those people who dare say that I'm not trying hard enough, FORGET YOU!  YOU'RE MEAN!  

Look, I'll be really honest.  YES! I have regretted some of my decisions.  Yes.  I do have really bad timing when it comes to certain things.  BUT HEY!  I'm only human.  But look, I'm trying to improve myself.  I'm working.  I'm going to school.  I want success as much as a drowning person wants to breathe air.  I am willing myself to be the person that people look and and say, "Her.  She's the one."  I don't want to be someone's lukewarm feeling.

Until then, I'll be saying no to all the lukewarm feelings I have or will receive.  I'm pretty ok with just working towards my career.  I'm happy to be around my family.  I'm glad to have such amazing friends.  And GOD, thank you for football and beer.