It Frustrates Me

It frustrates me when people don't talk about an issue normally with me. It actually pisses me off more when people don't want to discuss what is wrong and just dismisses the conversation by saying, "Just stop. End of conversation." No. Not resolving something that can we talked over quickly is stupid. Quite honestly, I'd rather talk really briefly say something's that are a bit rude and offensive and be over it in a few minutes than not talk about it and be angry for the whole day over some stupid grudge. You remember when people said, "Never go to bed angry." Forget that. Go to bed angry is better than staying up until 5:30am arguing BUT never actually arguing...that's even worse. Holding in anger, holding in a grudge--it makes for an angry person. I don't like being angry. It's not the kind of person I am. Passionate, enthusiastic and loud--yes. Don't be angry. Talk. That's all I'm asking for.

My First Love Story

The second I understood my first love story, I knew.

I began looking for you everywhere. I created what you might look like. What you might be interested in. Dreamt of the various things you would do to love me. Imagined the ways you would say "I love you." And you would. Love me that is.

I knew who you were all along. All I needed to do was find you. I didn't understand how hard that would be back then. Now, I know.

People would disguise themselves as you. They would portray similar attributes. They would create their own version of you. When I stripped them from their role of you in my life, I would try and find you again. Constantly subconsciously hoping you would appear and I would just know. Alas, no. 

That moment I understood my first love story...I just knew. I knew who you were. I knew I wanted to find you. 

Things People Have Told Me About My Single Status

Let me first start by saying I love you. As a 23-year-old woman who has been single her whole life & who has been hurt by a couple of guys, the following are my real thoughts about your advice that has been drilled into my brain. I get these statements All. The. Time.

"But you are sooo gorgeous. Any guy should be happy to be with you."

Because looks are all that matter. Yeah. Totally.

"Maybe your standards are too high."

If you have looked at my list of guys I have talked to, you would know that most of the time I hang out with them because of their personalities. They aren't all 10's. I'm going to keep my high standards because I don't want to end up with a unemployable jerk.

"God has a plan. You'll find him soon enough."

Oh really? Did he tell you that himself? If God really wanted a guy in my life right now. It would have happened, yes. But let's be real. Neither you or I know when that is going to be.

"It happens when you least expect it." Or another on of my favorites, "It happens when you stop looking."

When I hear this I honestly want to punch you in the face. No. It happens when it happens. Looking or not. Because if I stop looking I might pass up something good. Stop lying.

"You should find someone who treats you right."

...No. I'm going to find someone who is a comple leech and kicks me around.

"Just be happy and content. You'll get there."

Do you not know me? I hate you right now. I'm just going to respond with, "Yeah, I will." 

"You just need to put yourself out there."

I'm out there. You need to shut. up. Because I am more than out there. I am drowning out there. So shut up. Maybe I just like being single or I would rather be single than be with someone who treats me like shit or isn't who I'm attracted to mind, body and soul. My standards are higher than people who serial date. So shut. up. Wrong. No. Never say that to me again. No.

Showing Love

I give and show my heart a lot. I overuse the phrase, "I love you!" I tend to show a lot of affection towards people. I am very honest and that comes off as being very open.

I'm just honest. I would like it if you were the same. I show a lot of affection because that is the way I was taught to treat people. I say, "I love you!" Because I do. It's not romantic in anyway but I'm so glad you are in my life. I'm so happy for you. I'm so excited for all the things you will do. I want you to hear that someone loves you enough to be there every step of the way. I give and show my heart a lot because that is who I am but that does not mean I don't protect it.