I'm 22. I have a job. I do go to school full time. I volunteer for school and for the community of San Diego. I have no car. I have no computer of my own. My family has met my friends. Yes, my room is a disgusting mess. And yes, I do come home late at night. But I'm doing a lot. My planner is my best friend right now. And I'm working with what I've got.
I don't have a car. So I have to get a ride when I go out. And 98% of the time we don't get home until after 2am. I get busy and I hate doing laundry. I have enough clothes to get me through two months if I didn't want to do laundry. I do a couple of loads but never put them away... Oops? If I was sharing my room with someone...ok, I'd work "laundry" into my schedule but the top 5 priority list does not include those line items.
Want to know what my schedule looked like last Tuesday after the van I normally drive broke down and I was forced to use my dad's car?
8am: Get ready for work.
9am: Work.
3pm: Go home
3:30pm: Drive mom to work.
4:15pm: Finish up homework at Coffee Bean.
5:30pm: Go to class
9:30pm: Leave school
10pm: Pick up Dad.
11pm: Finish homework.
2am: Sleep
I had a meeting at 11am the next morning.
I mean, can you blame me for wanting to just sleep? Can you blame me for not wanting to feel motivated to do laundry?
By 22 my brothers had a lot more than I do. Cars, computers...their own apartments. They had a lot more freedom without having to prove themselves. I feel like I have proven myself to be a good person. But I'm still having to prove myself...
Proof. I constantly feel like I have to prove something to my family.
-That I'm smart enough
-That I'm strong enough
-That I'm x, y and z
It's a lot. And even though I've made strides to not feeling that way...there are low moments in my life where I just don't feel good enough. And sure it has made me a stronger person and sure my family loves me but there is still something about that just makes me so angry.
I'm the only girl. I'm the youngest. Why does it feel like is have to constantly prove to them that I'm not just this 6 year old anymore?
No comments:
Post a Comment