My Nerdy Side

A list of things that I believe make me "nerdy" in a very cute and lovable type of way.

1) I wear large, thick framed glasses.

2) I can probably quote Starship Troopers better than most basic girls can quote Mean Girls and Bring It On combined.

3) I've actually read Starship Troopers.

4) I have a favorite author.

5) I like cult films such as "The Heathers" "Rocky Horror Picture Show" and "Evil Dead"

6) I've watched the original "Evil Dead" and the sequel to it.

7) I've been to a "Rocy Horror Picture Show" viewing more than once and have participated in yelling better lines at the screen.

8) I've read the graphic novels of movies BEFORE they were movies.

9) I've watched all the Star Wars movies (I still like 1,2,3 better and I'm not sorry about it).

10) LotR. I know what it means. I watched all of them and yes, I knew there would be prequel. No. I did not read it.

11) Harry Potter. I read every book. I watched every movie. I owned a shirty. Pottermore. The fanfictions. The fan forums. Secret secret secret confession: I actually cared about my status on the forums and I so desperately wanted to be an admin.

12) Qunitin Tarantino. I love it. I understand it. It's funny.

13) Stan Lee. You now know my comic book loyalies.

14) Kevin Smith. Your silence and movies are genius.

15) When DVD's first came out I watched the movie and then re-watched it right away with director commentary. First dvd was LotR.

16) I stood in line at Barnes&Nobles to be one of the first people to get a copy of a book.

17) I have chosen to read a book over sleep.

18) I've been to Comic-Con.

19) I secretly wanted to drive to Anahiem to attend the Blizzard Convention.

20) There is more... This is all I'm willing to confess right now.

Dear Body,

I love you. I love you. I love you. Sometimes it's hard to remember all that we've been through and how much we've grown, how comfortable I've become with everything you are and everything you will be. It's been five years since I've written a letter like this. I feel like it is important to say these things to you again.

My eyes, I don't know how to explain just how thankful for you I really am. Five years ago we couldn't see far away. Now that we have received glasses everything seems to have cleared up. You have provided me the brightest and darkest memories. We've enjoyed more than one hundred perfect sunsets of various colors and landscapes. We've watched my family smile and cry and relax. You have shed tears so hard that you were puffy and red. You have been colored to match my moods and my dresses. You have lead me to new destinations and have seen people and things come in and out of my life. You have seen my life.

My legs, you have brought me places. You are my built in mode of transportation. You have the strongest muscles in my body. You help me run. You've helped me climb. We have walked in and out of people's lives and kept going. We've danced in the middle of empt parking lots, jumped in excitement, cursed every single pair of heels I own and walked miles of sandy beaches. We've traveled so many miles together and we've been so sore. You've been over many mountains, endured plenty of uphill battles and helped me extend my height to reach multiple embraces. For those things and more I am extremely grateful.

To my arms and hands, there are things you need to know. I am more connected thanks to you. I am connected to my faith every time I place my hand on my chest or clasp my hands together when I pray. When I raise my hands up in praise or hold them out to share my praise with others. I am connected to the ones I adore the most. That touch. That closeness you help me achieve by small actions of holding hands or running my hands through hair and holding people close and tight. You have helped me achieve things I can't express with just words.

My waist and lower stomach. There are times when you feel very much loved. I know this is true. Over the past five years we've changed a lot. We've had progress and regrets. A lot of regrets. I have recently been reminded that you are the source of many things. You create energy, heat and life. I should never forsake you. If I ever have, I'm sorry.

Body, I promise to always take great care of you. To do what I honestly believe is best for you. To try and not be so upset with the way you look or feel. To give you the best. To be the best with you. To remind myself of all the things you are blessed with and can do. If and when I fail I promise to do better. 

I love you. I love you. I love you, Body.

Sex

How did I learn about sex? A lot of what I learned about sex can from movies, my friends, from school and my parents.  Quite honestly, I don't remember a time when my parents sat me down and talked about sex.  They just told me, "Don't have sex." "Don't be promiscuous." "It's more acceptable for men to sleep around." And while I know they tell me these things for very valid reasons I refuse to accept these statements as facts. These are their opinions and because they raised me right, I RESPECT that. I acknowledge that. I see why they would say these things to a young, very pretty teenager.

These days, as I pass on knowledge to my cousin's kids and teenagers I know that come to me for advice and comfort I wouldn't tell them those things.  At least, not in that manner.  If I was talking to my former self the following is what I would tell her and how I would tell her.

Wait, so have you had sex yet?  Do you know what sex is? Ok, tell me.

Did you know that sex can be more than just a penis goes into a vagina?  Sex and whatever "Losing your virginity" is entirely up to you.  Why are you uncomfortable talking about this?  If you are uncomfortable, I'm going to tell you this right now, you my dear are not ready to engage in sex.  I love you...but you aren't.  Look,  sex is a normal thing.  Your parents had sex, I mean...if they didn't you wouldn't be here.  Even your grandma had sex.  Think about this too, your parents and your grandparents had to have at least had sex (blank) amount of times for every child he or she has.  BOOM.  Mind blown.

Ok, ready to really talk about sex?  If you want to wait until marriage, that is totally up to you but if not, I'm not going to be upset.  I just want to know that when you do decided to have sex that you know what you want.  Do you know what you want? Not just in a partner but in life.  Because I don't care how safe you think you are but once you have sex there is ALWAYS a consequence.  For you, yes, there is a chance of pregnancy.  You can be on birth control, he can be wearing a condom, you can take the morning after pill afterwards and you can still end up pregnant.  And there is ALWAYS risk of STDs.  Even when your gentiles don't touch, you can still get an STD or an STI.  Oral sex, hand jobs, even close contact or deep kissing can lead you to having a STD or an STI.  If you are lost at this point or have any questions about any of this, let me know and I can slow it down for you.  But just so you know, if you don't know any of this, I don't think you are ready for sex.

I NEED you to understand this.  I can't have you just say that you understand.  You need to understand.  I just want you to know that you can come to me.  I want you to know that you have someone you can talk to about this.  Your parents, me and other people that truly and honestly love you just want to know that you are safe.  If anything bad was to happen to you, it would crush us.  If your heart is broken, if you are sick...we want to know.  I just need you to know that you have someone to come to if you ever have a problem or a question about this.  It will be as private as you need it to be.  And I said need.  If it does come to a point when I honestly believe that it is best that your parents need to know...I am going to have to tell them.  I know you might hate me for that but...yeah...

Anyhow, back to sex. This person that you want to have sex with, have they gotten tested yet?  Are they sexually active already? Do you feel safe around them?  Is what you have with this person an open or closed relationship?  Do you think this person would have sex with anyone else other than you while sleeping with you?  Again, I'm just asking because I love you.  Ok.

I'm just going to say it because I believe it, you are a remarkable person.  I want you to take care of yourself first no matter what.  I need you to know that even if this person you are going to loose it to might not be the last and final person you ever have sex with...You are going to be ok.  I want you to ALWAYS get tested before and after any sexual partner.  I want you to always come to me if you need help or advice and I promise that I will try my hardest to be non-judgmental.  I just want you to know that whatever you decided to do is your decision and you have to deal with whatever comes next.  However, if anything does happen and you do need my help I will try my best to help you through it.  I just want you to be ready for whatever happens.  And I really hope that whenever it does happen that you are ok with it.  Again, I love you.  Please come to me if you ever have any questions or help.

"Do not be too moral.You may cheat yourself out of much life.Aim above morality.Be not simply good;be good for something." -HDT

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

So a couple of days ago I was grocery shopping and saw this guy that looked like someone I know with his father laughing and smiling and joking around. Knowing that the person who I know has an estranged father I was faced with this overwhelming cloud of sadness for him and wondered what kind of man he would have been if he and his father had a better story. If you've ever read or watched the movie "Attonment" you know that gut wrenching feeling of the story being false.

It's weird thinking that things could have or would have been different. It's sad.

Whatever, the following has a happy ever after ending.

"Him" as short story by Hyacinth Guimbatan

When you meet someone for the first time you don't really know what to expect but with him I knew the story would be good. That smile and unwavering confidence had my head spinning. The more we talked the more charm was spun and shaked around me. And when I left the party I could still taste the magic of the kiss we shared.

It was a whirlwind romance. Dances in empty parking lots. Dates next to the lake. Lighthearted conversations about where we wanted to go in life. There were no sad stories. There was no feeling of truth being withheld. It was all honest and sincere.

The stories that I enjoyed the most were about him and his father. They would go golfing every Sunday. They would go sailing just the two of them. How they would talk about everything under the sun and discuss the works of Ethan Hawkings, Thoreau and Emerson. All of these books I have seen at his own apartment. His family would always have dinner together on Sunday afternoon. All of them would be eating the same thing at the same time but never at the table it rather in their own little usual spots around the house. His mother would be at the TV, his brother on the floor playing with the dog, his father in his office and he would sit at the table right in the middle of it all, watching. You could feel the love in the air and the comfort they brought to one another. They would joke about who farted, bring up silly stories and the house would just fill with warm thoughts.

As much as I loved his family and as much as I cared for him our story just simply fizzled out. We remained close friends. He still gives me advice about school and what I should do once I was sending my applications out. I listen to him go on about the beautiful and strong woman he was dating and give him advice on his family and work related issues. We have a great completely platonic relationship. I guess I just couldn't bare the thought of losing him as a friend.

As I watched him and his new girlfriend talk and joke around at his birthday party his father came up to me and squeezed my shoulder. Not because he and I knew I was the right choice for him but because we both knew she was and that I was still always going to be there as a friend.

She and I became quick friends bonding over religion and the topic of pageants and bikini competitions. We shared tips on posing and where to tan and self-tanning. We made plans for EDM events and slowly began secretly planning our own weddings.

I began seeing someone else and the two of them would give me all the advice they could think of. And while I admired their love for me I knew I needed to just dive in. Because there was nothing me holding me back other than the want to be happy and have what they did, I couldn't help but fall fast and hard for this man. It was something that I knew I never could have done if the two of them hadn't fallen in love or if I still had feelings for him. But what I have now is everything he and I lacked and so much more.

21 Reasons I'm Glad I'm Not 21

21) Going to a bar you go to quite frequently and greet with a smile, hugs, free soda, free fries & other things.

20) Knowing that buying alcohol and just talking with your friends over a beer is more fun than going out, getting wasted and dancing with strangers.

19) Knowing whichs bars and clubs to go to and when to go to them.

18) Knowing when and where to park the car when you go out.

17) Understanding the value of a good dry white.

16) Knowing how to tip your bartender well enough to love you, respect you and always take your order before other people.

15) Knowing your limits.

14) Pointing out the people who just turned 21.

13) Ordering mules, proseco, wines that match your dish and other drinks that only 21-year-olds take for granted.

12) Knowing what you want to order before you are asked.

11) Never being over or underdressed or simply just not caring.

10) Being able to stay sober as a DD.

9) Being able to stay sober even when you aren't the DD.

8) Never worrying about where to go because all your friends are all 21 and over.

7) It's very rare that you have a huge hangover.

6) It's very rare that you look like a complete mess when you go out and fearing the possibility of it ending up on social media. Mostly reserved for big celebrations such as weddings and birthdays.

5) Being ok with the fact that you left the club before 12am.

4) Having your friends be ok with the fact that you left the club before 12am.

3) Knowing when and where you should go for Happy Hour.

2) Knowing where to stay in Vegas and how to upgrade your room or already having a free upgrade from frequent player points (Those $5 poker tables are a trap).

1) Pointing out fond memories wherever you decide to go out.

#DearMe

Hey Little Me,

Going back to high school and middle school me. I feel like you always had people figured out. You knew who you wanted to listen to, who you wanted to follow & most importantly who you are. 

As you advance into the world of social media I need you to know and understand the following: 1) What you see everyday on MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and later on Instagram and various other sites is only the highlight reel of people's lives. Just because your highlight reel is not as fun does not mean you have a bad life. Just live your life and do you. You won't regret it. 2) You shouldn't feel the need to post every second of your day. Hate to break it to you but most people don't care. 3) People will always we reading, watching and responding to what you do online and in real life. Watch what you post, who is able to see what you post and what others post about you. I know you won't post anything bad but just be cautious anyway. These people might soon be your colleagues and future references. Watch out for the people you care about too. 4) You don't need likes or thumbs ups to feel loved. Being loved outside of social media is better anyway.

Love and life: I really don't want to tell you much. I just want you to know you'll be ok. You are indeed one of the prettiest flowers out there and while you have bloomed in the best ways possible just know that being picked by someone too soon is irreversible and I promise that you aren't missing anything by watching your friends be picked first. Enjoy your life and bloom on. Let the bees buzz and the birds fly on by. You'll get there. I'll let you know that you have not loved yet but what you have had goes beyond that. You have learned to love yourself and know your worth. You have learned what you want and what you don't want. You know how to treat someone with respect and not be jealous or envious. You learned how to take care of yourself first. You have put your heart out there and you aren't afraid of speaking your mind. You aren't afraid of what who you like thinks of you. You are content. Stay content. Always stay content.

Direction: You will always have a hard time figuring out what you want. It isn't anything new to you now. You have many dreams. And while many people will tell you to pick one and follow it, I'm going to tell you to keep at it and try it all. Discover new things every day. If to doesn't make you happy change it. You are brilliant and you always find your own path. If it takes a while, that's ok. Just follow it.

I guess this was all just for reassurance. A little note to remind you that you are doing fine. And remember, 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 "Be on your guard; Stand FIRM in the faith. Be brave; Be STRONG. Do ALL your work in love."