Sex

How did I learn about sex? A lot of what I learned about sex can from movies, my friends, from school and my parents.  Quite honestly, I don't remember a time when my parents sat me down and talked about sex.  They just told me, "Don't have sex." "Don't be promiscuous." "It's more acceptable for men to sleep around." And while I know they tell me these things for very valid reasons I refuse to accept these statements as facts. These are their opinions and because they raised me right, I RESPECT that. I acknowledge that. I see why they would say these things to a young, very pretty teenager.

These days, as I pass on knowledge to my cousin's kids and teenagers I know that come to me for advice and comfort I wouldn't tell them those things.  At least, not in that manner.  If I was talking to my former self the following is what I would tell her and how I would tell her.

Wait, so have you had sex yet?  Do you know what sex is? Ok, tell me.

Did you know that sex can be more than just a penis goes into a vagina?  Sex and whatever "Losing your virginity" is entirely up to you.  Why are you uncomfortable talking about this?  If you are uncomfortable, I'm going to tell you this right now, you my dear are not ready to engage in sex.  I love you...but you aren't.  Look,  sex is a normal thing.  Your parents had sex, I mean...if they didn't you wouldn't be here.  Even your grandma had sex.  Think about this too, your parents and your grandparents had to have at least had sex (blank) amount of times for every child he or she has.  BOOM.  Mind blown.

Ok, ready to really talk about sex?  If you want to wait until marriage, that is totally up to you but if not, I'm not going to be upset.  I just want to know that when you do decided to have sex that you know what you want.  Do you know what you want? Not just in a partner but in life.  Because I don't care how safe you think you are but once you have sex there is ALWAYS a consequence.  For you, yes, there is a chance of pregnancy.  You can be on birth control, he can be wearing a condom, you can take the morning after pill afterwards and you can still end up pregnant.  And there is ALWAYS risk of STDs.  Even when your gentiles don't touch, you can still get an STD or an STI.  Oral sex, hand jobs, even close contact or deep kissing can lead you to having a STD or an STI.  If you are lost at this point or have any questions about any of this, let me know and I can slow it down for you.  But just so you know, if you don't know any of this, I don't think you are ready for sex.

I NEED you to understand this.  I can't have you just say that you understand.  You need to understand.  I just want you to know that you can come to me.  I want you to know that you have someone you can talk to about this.  Your parents, me and other people that truly and honestly love you just want to know that you are safe.  If anything bad was to happen to you, it would crush us.  If your heart is broken, if you are sick...we want to know.  I just need you to know that you have someone to come to if you ever have a problem or a question about this.  It will be as private as you need it to be.  And I said need.  If it does come to a point when I honestly believe that it is best that your parents need to know...I am going to have to tell them.  I know you might hate me for that but...yeah...

Anyhow, back to sex. This person that you want to have sex with, have they gotten tested yet?  Are they sexually active already? Do you feel safe around them?  Is what you have with this person an open or closed relationship?  Do you think this person would have sex with anyone else other than you while sleeping with you?  Again, I'm just asking because I love you.  Ok.

I'm just going to say it because I believe it, you are a remarkable person.  I want you to take care of yourself first no matter what.  I need you to know that even if this person you are going to loose it to might not be the last and final person you ever have sex with...You are going to be ok.  I want you to ALWAYS get tested before and after any sexual partner.  I want you to always come to me if you need help or advice and I promise that I will try my hardest to be non-judgmental.  I just want you to know that whatever you decided to do is your decision and you have to deal with whatever comes next.  However, if anything does happen and you do need my help I will try my best to help you through it.  I just want you to be ready for whatever happens.  And I really hope that whenever it does happen that you are ok with it.  Again, I love you.  Please come to me if you ever have any questions or help.