My Favorite Moment

Summer was fading and the sweltering hot days of the Central Valley were cooling off into breezy afternoons. My family decided to go down to the lake that afternoon and thus began the moment I could live in forever. There I stood surrounded by people I love, my whole future ahead of me, the sound of laughter from the children and the knowledge that when I returned home I would be welcomed by the arms of someone who thought I was as beautiful as the sunset before me. The sun began to fall beneath the horizon of the lake of my childhood. It seemed to me the sun had stopped just for me to say goodbye. Even as I look back on this memory now I can feel it, that overwhelming happiness and the thought that everything for a moment could be absolutely perfect. That was the last time my eldest brother was in my hometown & my mother's brother was still alive. It was the last time I believe my whole family was immensely happy. 

Things I Want to Remind Myself

1. Don't apologize for being yourself. If people can't accept your personality...move on.

2. Not everyone is going to like you no matter how kind, how nice, how sweet you are...some people just ARE NOT going to like you.

3. You can't control everything. You can't control everything. You can't control everything. Let. It. Go.

4. If you ever have a fight or flight moment don't make the situation worse by making it a tend and befriend moment. 

http://youtu.be/igCj3jsbcqs

http://youtu.be/YBncGFCqEOA

The people I click with the most are those that I'm able to speak to and have a fluent conversation. It's what I judge my first dates on. If you and I can't have an amazing conversation right from the start...I don't know if you and I will ever be able to sustain a relationship. The reason it is so important to me is because I like having conversations about the hard stuff. I'm the girl who asks, "So have you ever cheated on someone?" "Are we not seeing other people?" "Do you like me?" "Why do you like me?" And you know what? So long as you answer those questions honestly I will always feel comfortable being with you. Dishonesty...not being able to have a conversation about the hard stuff...that is a deal breaker. You know, it's not like I'm uncomfortable with silence. I want silence. I want to be able to sit in a car for hours knowing we're ok. I want to be able to sit on the couch reading a book while you watch ESPN in silence. I don't need constant conversation all the time but I do need those lines to be open and ready. That's what will make me feel comfortable in a relationship.

Sweet and Low

Here's a little short story. Enjoy. <3

I like to say that I learned about my life through packets of Sweet & Low. Sunday mornings were reserved for two things: church and brunch with Grandma. The earliest memories I have are brunch with Grandma using two Sweet & Low packets for her ice tea and then putting ten of them in her purse. But as time moved forward quickly those Sunday's with Grandma weren't always as frequent as they once were. Her children were retiring and having brunch with their own grandchildren. Her grandchildren were older now and had plans of their own. So every once in a while Grandma would stop by my place to have some ice tea. Half of the times she'd come over and I'd be on my phone reading my messages or checking the time. She'd drone on about when we were younger and when our parents were younger and when she was younger. Always using two packets of Sweet & Low and then putting ten in her purse. When I told her to just take the box if she needed the sugar she just smiled and said, "Why should I when I can just come again next week?" One morning she came over unannounced. "Your brother wasn't home. I hope you don't mind that your mom dropped me off here." It was in that instance that I realized how old she had become, how frail her body was now & how short she is. All those days she had come over before and I had never realized how old we were now. I looked at my own reflection in the toaster infront of me, fine wrinkles forming around my mouth and on my forehead. "When you are as old as me, no one wants to bothered by you anymore," She continued, "I called my friend yesterday and her daughter said she had past away two months ago... That was the last person I knew who was my age." There was a cold silence as she poured herself some ice tea, hands shaking from old age, "All that is left in my life is my legacy," She added her sugar then said, "Well, that and Sweet & Low." She looked at me and smiled. That day I learned things I never knew about her. How she was married before marrying my grandfather. How she would repackaged bullets with gun powder for soldiers during the war. How she metmy grandfather. About the day that I was born. And while some of the stories I had heard once before the joy she had while telling me the tales of her life gave me a sense of happiness I knew would last long after she would pass. When she did pass my family and I were cleaning out her room at my parents house. I opened her closet with my eyes closed taking in the smell of hard caramel candies, her perfume White Diamonds and a strong smell of Sweet & Low. Looking for a pair of shoes for the burial I opened one of the shoeboxes in the back. To my surprise all that was in the box was Sweet & Low packets. Crying and laughing at the same time my cousin asked to see the box. Apparently Grandmother had been going over to her house to grab some Sweet & Low once a week too. Once other people in the room heard what was going on they all started to say the same thing. Our Grandma was going over to everyone's house smuggling Sweet & Low. All that time she just wanted a reason to come over and talk to us. There were boxes of Sweet & Low under her bed, on her desk, in her dresser and more boxes in her closet. My mother with tears streaming down her cheeks said that there must have been hundreds, maybe even thousands, of dollars worth of unused Sweet & Low packets. Laughing all of us started sharing stories of her life, our lives, my family. Now, once a year we all have a family reunion and a toast with ice tea and two packets of Sweet & Low.

James 1:5-6

James 1:5-6 (msg)

"If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, be lovingly, without a second thought. People who 'worry their prayer' are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open."

Know what I want has always been an issue for me. I'm very unsure of thing, people and the direction my life is going in. I'm constantly asking myself, "Am I doing something, anything really, right?" I feel like this verse came to me at the right time. Figuring out what I want and where I want to be in life is a process. So here I stand looking to the Lord above, asking for things I know I need and want. For so long I was asking the Lord for direction, wondering if it was the right time for things to happen in my life and He was telling me all along to look for it, know it and reach for it. Sit down. Figure it out. Set goals. Everything else will fall into place.