LET. GO.

Let. Go.

They've all moved on and you do too.  You need to stop being a little brat about this whole entire thing and you need to just live your life the way you want.  You need too honey.  I mean, it isn't just your fault that things didn't work out.  It's not.  It just wasn't meant to be.  All those guys just were not meant to stayin your life.  You've learned lessons from them right?  Cool.  Now you just need to reverse out of the parking lot of "Boys from Hya's Past" and you need to drive your butt to "Men of Hya's Future" because you have evolved from all of that right?

Step One: No saying their names
Just don't do it anymore.  Just no.  They don't love you.  They might have been close at some point in their time with you.  They might even regret things they could have done with you but Hya, They. Don't. Care. Anymore.  They are not your boy anymore.  They are not even your friend.

Step Two: Detox
Girl, you have already started the beginning stages of you detox.  You--my friend--have a few more things you need to get rid of before becoming 100% rid of all things that are bad for you.  Remember when you had to do this for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?  Yeah, we're back to that baby girl  You haven to delete. Delete. Delete.  They are no longer part of your future until such time that they come back willingly and on their own terms.  You DO. NOT. Get to be the person that walks in on their life again.  You know that you are so notorious for doing that.  Things will be going just peachy for them and you have to come along and mess things up for them again.  No.  You do not get to do that.  You are bad.  You are just bad for them.  They are bad for you.  You try to add them again and bad things will just happen.  Really bad things.  NO.

Step Three:
Hya--Come on.  Who are you?  You are Hya.  You are confident.  You are gorgeous.  Your best mile time was under 7 minutes.  Hya.  Come. On.  What happened to that chick who was just so gosh darn VIBRANT and just WOW?  Because quite honestly I miss that chick.  She was super cool  The best part about her was that she didn't need a man.  No.  She was perfectly ok with being single.  Not only was she ok with it but some might even say that she preferred it.  She held her own ground.

Step Four:
No.  Really.  Let. It. Go.  You've written and deleted so many posts about this one person in particular.  You've dated other people since this person and yet here you are still pissed that you messed things up.  Guess what.  Things happen. They just do.  We all make mistakes.  We all have people in our past.  It is hard but we get passed it.

Step Five:
You will find someone.  If you honestly believe that you wont find someone.  This is you reminding YOU that just got hit on by SEVERAL men today.  Just today.  You are gorgeous and a catch.  You were taking photos outside of the restaurant and they literally stopped in their tracks for you.  You were walking back to your car today and you were stopped TWICE.  You were asked the time by some random man who just wanted to know your name.  You.  Are.  A.  Catch.  Any man who dares to tell you anything different is a pain that you don't need and by removing them from your life you just created one less problem in you life.  Because let's be real girl  YOU HAVE PROBLEMS coming from left and right.  You don't need another one.

Step Six:
When you see them again/If you see them again... Just be you.  And if they happen to fall for you now...Well, you better make DAMN SURE that they are worthy of you.  I don't care how much you missed them.  I don't care how much they beg to have you back.  If they are not worthy to have you back you BEST have some amazing reason as why they are back in your life.

Why Am I Happy?

A question I get a lot from people that may or may not really know me too well is, "Why are you so happy all the time?"  And it dawned on me that I have never really answered this question in full detail.

At church on Easter Sunday (I promise this isn't all about religion), Father Pat said something that I once heard as a child which is basically this, "There are certain people you encounter and they are genuinely happy and radiant and it just feels great to be around them.  They are people of God and live their lives through him.  Through God they find happiness and comfort."  I nearly cried when I heard this because it is something I've tried to do my whole entire life.  I've always tried to be a better person and be a shinning light on the world.  I want to leave this world knowing that I lived a happy life.

Now, my life has not been a life without struggle.  My family struggles every day.  I struggle every day but when life seems like it is getting too much for me to handle I say this in my prayers, "I thank you Lord for my faults and for my weaknesses...For all the struggle and strife I have witnessed and endured--Through this I find comfort in your divine love and the bond I have is strengthened."

For my friends that don't understand my faith or faith in general that statement sounds like a whole bunch of "poppy cock" but that is really how I believe.  As silly as it may seem to those that don't believe, I find my happiness in the comfort of knowing that I am not and will never be alone.  It quite honestly makes me feel stronger and happier.

Ok, so religion isn't the only thing that has taught me how to continuously be happy and positive.  I learned a long time ago that being upset will not produce many friends.  Being closed off will not bring many people to you. Being a person that people want to be around, that will not only bring people into your life but it will make your life better. Being happy is a choice. You have to bring yourself to make active descisions that will make your life happier.

I have made plenty of friends in my life time.  It is easy for me to make friends.  I don't have fear of rejection of these people that don't know me.  I don't need their approval to make me happy.  I just want to get to know them because they could make my life a little bit happier or even better--I could make their life a little bit happier.  I like making people happy.  Working retail, when someone finds bridesmaid dresses or better yet a wedding dress--it is the happiest moment for me.  Like, you have no idea.  Happiness is so contagious that I love surrounding myself with people that make me happier.

If you want to be happier, this is the trick that has worked wonders for me: Just do you. Surround yourself with things that make you happy, people that make you happy, work that makes you happy.  Do things for you.  But don't stop there, do thing for other people.  Give people more than what they ask for or what they think they deserve.  Be the light and change you want to see in the world. Trust me.  You might not always be happy but you will live a happier life.

<3

New Day

In a few minutes it will be 12am, 04/17/2014.

For the past...few years I've been so unhappy. And I've made some huge mistakes in trying to get to what I thought was me being happy. Well, I'm approaching a new day. A new mark really. 

My List To A Happier Me:

-Feel Beautiful

-Be Confident

-Stop Faking It

-Rest More

-Excersise

-Give People More Than You Think They Deserve

-Smile More

-Say, "Love" More

-Fall In Love With As Many Things As Possible

-See What You Want & Let Yourself Have It

-Don't Have Big Regrets

-Let Others Know You Are Happy

Here's to a happier me. :)

-HJG

We'll hide from the world...just you and I. Forget fame...So long as you're my man and I'm your dame. We'll rob this world blind, I'll follow you 'til the end. Lead me straight to death & I'll be your best friend.

I'm the type of girl to do your laundry, cook for you and watch ESPN without complaint.

I don't mind cleaning or fixing the bed. I like being lazy on Sunday morning and just doing nothing but kick back and have a beer. I'll be the girl your friends say, "I like this chick," because they want me to come out and hang out too.

I won't be the girl your friends make fun of you for. I'm not going to hold you back. I'm not the type of girl to be walked over. I do not participate in drug use. I do not have time to party every night.

I will motivate you. I will tell you when you are wrong and I will accept when I am at fault. I will be on your right side for business events. You make your check and I'll make mine.

I'm not trying to compete with you. I'm just doing me. It is the only thing I'm sure about.

Happy

Well today was a bad day and I'm determined to make it better. 

I'm 22. I have a job. I do go to school full time. I volunteer for school and for the community of San Diego. I have no car. I have no computer of my own. My family has met my friends. Yes, my room is a disgusting mess. And yes, I do come home late at night. But I'm doing a lot. My planner is my best friend right now. And I'm working with what I've got. 

I don't have a car. So I have to get a ride when I go out. And 98% of the time we don't get home until after 2am. I get busy and I hate doing laundry. I have enough clothes to get me through two months if I didn't want to do laundry. I do a couple of loads but never put them away... Oops? If I was sharing my room with someone...ok, I'd work "laundry" into my schedule but the top 5 priority list does not include those line items. 

Want to know what my schedule looked like last Tuesday after the van I normally drive broke down and I was forced to use my dad's car?

8am: Get ready for work.

9am: Work.

3pm: Go home

3:30pm: Drive mom to work.

4:15pm: Finish up homework at Coffee Bean.

5:30pm: Go to class

9:30pm: Leave school

10pm: Pick up Dad.

11pm: Finish homework.

2am: Sleep

I had a meeting at 11am the next morning.

I mean, can you blame me for wanting to just sleep? Can you blame me for not wanting to feel motivated to do laundry?

By 22 my brothers had a lot more than I do. Cars, computers...their own apartments. They had a lot more freedom without having to prove themselves. I feel like I have proven myself to be a good person. But I'm still having to prove myself...

Proof. I constantly feel like I have to prove something to my family. 

-That I'm smart enough

-That I'm strong enough

-That I'm x, y and z

It's a lot. And even though I've made strides to not feeling that way...there are low moments in my life where I just don't feel good enough. And sure it has made me a stronger person and sure my family loves me but there is still something about that just makes me so angry.

I'm the only girl. I'm the youngest.  Why does it feel like is have to constantly prove to them that I'm not just this 6 year old anymore?

...

I'm mad at you. Yeah, you apologized and I believe you and I understand and blah blah blah. BUT like I said earlier, I'm really busy and I have important stuff to be done so when you make a commitment with a set time you have to understand that I will be there at that location at that said time. I mean, paying for my gas and "making it up to me" will not make me feel better. I really wanted to hang out with you today. I blew off a meeting for you today! I mean, I'm working around your schedule ALL THE TIME! You don't even consider coming down for me... Which quite honestly, pisses me of. Make an effort. I'm starting to get annoyed.