http://youtu.be/igCj3jsbcqs

http://youtu.be/YBncGFCqEOA

The people I click with the most are those that I'm able to speak to and have a fluent conversation. It's what I judge my first dates on. If you and I can't have an amazing conversation right from the start...I don't know if you and I will ever be able to sustain a relationship. The reason it is so important to me is because I like having conversations about the hard stuff. I'm the girl who asks, "So have you ever cheated on someone?" "Are we not seeing other people?" "Do you like me?" "Why do you like me?" And you know what? So long as you answer those questions honestly I will always feel comfortable being with you. Dishonesty...not being able to have a conversation about the hard stuff...that is a deal breaker. You know, it's not like I'm uncomfortable with silence. I want silence. I want to be able to sit in a car for hours knowing we're ok. I want to be able to sit on the couch reading a book while you watch ESPN in silence. I don't need constant conversation all the time but I do need those lines to be open and ready. That's what will make me feel comfortable in a relationship.

Sweet and Low

Here's a little short story. Enjoy. <3

I like to say that I learned about my life through packets of Sweet & Low. Sunday mornings were reserved for two things: church and brunch with Grandma. The earliest memories I have are brunch with Grandma using two Sweet & Low packets for her ice tea and then putting ten of them in her purse. But as time moved forward quickly those Sunday's with Grandma weren't always as frequent as they once were. Her children were retiring and having brunch with their own grandchildren. Her grandchildren were older now and had plans of their own. So every once in a while Grandma would stop by my place to have some ice tea. Half of the times she'd come over and I'd be on my phone reading my messages or checking the time. She'd drone on about when we were younger and when our parents were younger and when she was younger. Always using two packets of Sweet & Low and then putting ten in her purse. When I told her to just take the box if she needed the sugar she just smiled and said, "Why should I when I can just come again next week?" One morning she came over unannounced. "Your brother wasn't home. I hope you don't mind that your mom dropped me off here." It was in that instance that I realized how old she had become, how frail her body was now & how short she is. All those days she had come over before and I had never realized how old we were now. I looked at my own reflection in the toaster infront of me, fine wrinkles forming around my mouth and on my forehead. "When you are as old as me, no one wants to bothered by you anymore," She continued, "I called my friend yesterday and her daughter said she had past away two months ago... That was the last person I knew who was my age." There was a cold silence as she poured herself some ice tea, hands shaking from old age, "All that is left in my life is my legacy," She added her sugar then said, "Well, that and Sweet & Low." She looked at me and smiled. That day I learned things I never knew about her. How she was married before marrying my grandfather. How she would repackaged bullets with gun powder for soldiers during the war. How she metmy grandfather. About the day that I was born. And while some of the stories I had heard once before the joy she had while telling me the tales of her life gave me a sense of happiness I knew would last long after she would pass. When she did pass my family and I were cleaning out her room at my parents house. I opened her closet with my eyes closed taking in the smell of hard caramel candies, her perfume White Diamonds and a strong smell of Sweet & Low. Looking for a pair of shoes for the burial I opened one of the shoeboxes in the back. To my surprise all that was in the box was Sweet & Low packets. Crying and laughing at the same time my cousin asked to see the box. Apparently Grandmother had been going over to her house to grab some Sweet & Low once a week too. Once other people in the room heard what was going on they all started to say the same thing. Our Grandma was going over to everyone's house smuggling Sweet & Low. All that time she just wanted a reason to come over and talk to us. There were boxes of Sweet & Low under her bed, on her desk, in her dresser and more boxes in her closet. My mother with tears streaming down her cheeks said that there must have been hundreds, maybe even thousands, of dollars worth of unused Sweet & Low packets. Laughing all of us started sharing stories of her life, our lives, my family. Now, once a year we all have a family reunion and a toast with ice tea and two packets of Sweet & Low.

James 1:5-6

James 1:5-6 (msg)

"If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, be lovingly, without a second thought. People who 'worry their prayer' are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open."

Know what I want has always been an issue for me. I'm very unsure of thing, people and the direction my life is going in. I'm constantly asking myself, "Am I doing something, anything really, right?" I feel like this verse came to me at the right time. Figuring out what I want and where I want to be in life is a process. So here I stand looking to the Lord above, asking for things I know I need and want. For so long I was asking the Lord for direction, wondering if it was the right time for things to happen in my life and He was telling me all along to look for it, know it and reach for it. Sit down. Figure it out. Set goals. Everything else will fall into place.

1 John 2:19

They left us, but they were never really with us. If they had been, they would have stuck it out with us, loyal to the end. In leaving, they showed their true colors, showed they never did belong. (1 John 2:19 MSG)

I know the bible was talking about the Antichrist during this chapter but I believe that this can go for anyone who walks out of your life.  Is your ex the Antichrist?  Only God knows (Jokes!)...  But stick with me here!

We all have those people in our lives that we need to let go.  Toxic people.  They make us feel so negative or so low.  Sometimes these are the people that our in our inner circle, they are the people that are suppose to love us the most, they are suppose to be there for you and uplift you and make you the happiest...but they don't.  So, when that person leaves you or when you find the strength to leave--Let them go.  "They were never really with us.  If they had been, they would have stuck it out with us, loyal to the end."  When you make that decision to leave them in the past, for your own good, you should know "they showed their true colors, showed they never did belong" in your life.  You're in a far better place without them.  These vial people who pollute your life will only bring you down because they are much like the Antichrist.  They're false.  They don't have your best interests in mind.  They don't belong in your life and never did.  Have faith in the Lord and what he has waiting for you are people far better than those who walk out on you.

Lord,
When people leave me, let me be rest assured that it is for the better.  Remind me Lord, that they were not meant for me.  That with You I have the strength to move forward and find better options.  That those who are truly meant to be in my life will find ways back to me time and time again.  That those people will always be loyal until the end.  I love You.  I trust You.  I have faith in You.  I will follow You all the days of my life.
Amen.

My favorite verse

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love. (1 Corinthians 16: 13-14)

This is my favorite verse.  It's one of the only things I've ever really considered getting as a tattoo.  It's the first verse I go to when I'm scared or unsure or lost.  Where this verse has been really effective has been with dating. 

I thought about this verse yesterday after reading a blog post link I saw that a friend posted on Facebook about dating someone who walks you home.  My first thoughts went to the guys I've dated in the past and my second thought went to this verse.  Let me just start off with, if by some odd chance a guy that I've dated or talked to or whatever reads this, HI!!!  I can't think of one guy that I've liked that I'm not on good terms with me today.  For that I feel blessed.

They have all walked me to my door, to my car, driven me home or told me to text them when I got home.  However, there were times after we were comfortable with one another that those things did stop.  I remember the moment I stopped liking this guy I was talking to.  He had a good career.  He had his own place.  He had a paid off car.  He was sweet.  He lived in Pacific Beach really close to the beach and the bars.  Because it was summer I had a hard time looking for parking that was close by his apartment so I parked about a mile away.  After our date and talking for a long time I called it a night.  He walked me out his door and stopped at the door frame tugging on my wrist, "No goodnight kiss?" I stopped and looked at him thinking, "Aren't you going to walk me to my car?"  I'm known for forgetting where I've parked and it was dark, I couldn't believe he really wasn't going to walk me out.  As I was walking to my car, clutching my pepper spray with dear life, I remember thinking, "Yeah.  I'm over him."  You see, my favorite verse...it works two ways.  "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love."  Those are all the things you should do.  The other way it works is, those are all the things you should see in a man.

The first time I saw this verse in reverse was when I had gone home with my entire family.  My oldest brother was stateside.  My whole family was getting together.  I had an amazing group of friends.  I was seeing this guy regularly.  I was so incredibly happy.  That year, my heart was so full.  But the guy I was seeing...his faith wasn't strong.  I'd even go as far as saying that he really didn't know God.  I remember asking my cousins for help.  I remember the long drive back home thinking about that verse.  It was something I tried to embody.  It was something that was really important to me.  It was something I wanted to see in the person I was dating.  He wasn't it.  And I remember the day I got back, I really wanted to see him and I really wanted to talk to him but I didn't.  Every day after that I saw him differently.  At the time I said it was because I didn't think I was a priority in his life.  These days I look back and realize we just weren't walking the same path.

The blog about dating a man who walks you home says, "Date someone who walks you home, not because you ask him to, or even expect him to, but because he chooses to. Because he chooses you. Date someone who walks you home."  I say date someone who walks with you, who prays with you, who prays for you, who believes in the same things as you not because you ask him to or even expect him to but because he chooses to.  Because he chooses you.  Date someone who does all these things. 

Lord,
Thank You for Your word.  For Your comfort. For Your direction.  For every time I was scared and unsure and Your word comforted me.  For every time Your word has allowed me to choose the right decisions.  One day, I hope to find someone who walks with me. Someone who believes, is fearless and strong and does everything in love.  May I never stray too far from the path.  May I hold firm in my beliefs.  May I be fearless and be strong.  May I do everything in love.  For You are love.
Amen

Luke 10:27

Luke 10:27

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

Warning: I wrote this at 2am and I'm posting without proof-reading it. It's probably all over the place. This is a verse taken from the parable of The Good Samaritan.  The question the scholar asks Jesus is, "How do I inherit eternal life?"  So Jesus asks him to interpret what the Bible says.  Luke 10:27 is the man's answer which derives from Deuteronomy 6 and Leviticus 19.

Yesterday I talked about letting go and letting God's will take charge in my life.  I think a big part of having a relationship with God is reading scripture, interpreting it and finding your own answers to your heartaches.  There are so many answers in the Bible and it's a good way to understanding and finding God.  It's a good way to grow as a spiritual person.

Heavenly Father,
I lift my heart to You with all that I am and all that I have with all my strength and all my mind because it is by You I have received  everything in my life. I promise to keep Your word close to my heart and teach them to my children as my parents have done for me.  I  will proudly discuss my love for You and speak about Your love for me.  I will do what is right and good with You in mind.  I will love my neighbor and all my brothers and sisters who believe in You as I love myself.  I will love even my enemies.  I will not fear them for I know You are by my side.  I will not love any other God but You. All the days of my life, I will relinquish myself to You so that Your will shall shine through me.
Amen.