Hya's Outlook

In my life I have been described at an upbeat type of person. I am the person will the bubbly personality and cheery demeanor. I am pretty good at being positive and bringing the energy of people up. I'm basically the cup of coffee you needed in your life.

Have you ever wondered why? Why is this girl so chipper? What makes her so happy? How does she have this much good energy?

I'm not going to say that by living with my state of mind that things will be easier or you will succeed more. I am going to tell you that by thinking this way you will feel more positive.

The way I think...

When I think about my life I look towards what I have that is good. My large family, my really good friends, having the precence of God in my life, the love I've experienced and the fortunate oportunities I have received. I embrace all the small and large things. I picture what I CAN do and what I WILL do. I stay positive MEANING I see my life through what I have or can do that is special, of quality, or different--all the experiences that make me, ME-- rather than their absence. I see opportunities because every single thing is possible and only your state of mind will make you stoppable.

THAT is the way I live my life. I don't allow myself to dwell on things that prevent me from happiness.

Self-Love: Body Image

I'm just going to be honest. I really like to eat. I love to eat. I love to cook. I love to share my food. I love to call myself a fatty. And you better believe I can eat and enjoy a large sized stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut BY MY SELF.

I'm 5'5" and I weight close to 135 (I typically fluctuate between 125-140).

I'm not fat. I'm also not the skinniest person around.

I don't eat the healthiest meals. I eat out quite frequently because it is convience for me and it isn't always the healieat choice.

I try to eat healthy things. I try to excersise regularly and I've found things that work for me. I try to get as many good nutrients in my body.

But let's be real for a second, I'm NOT going to change the way the way I've been eating my whole entire life anytime super soon. Eating is part of my culture. It is how I can show my appreciation for the people I love. Cooking and baking are things I do because I love being creative in that way. The way I eat is much more than an "unhealthy diet" or whatever some mean vegan might call it. I eat meat. I like sugar. Bacon will always be known as a staple in my fridge.

I'm so over seeing all this hate over body image. Ok cool, you are curvy and beautiful. Ok neat, you are fit and gorgeous. CAN'T ONE JUST BE BEAUTIFUL? CAN'T ONE JUST BE GOEGEOUS? 

Aesthetics. Preference. Healthy.

WHATEVER!

I just want to know that the people I love are happy. That those people are loved. 

If those people are physically unhealthy that they get help. That if those people that are mentally unhealthy that they get help.

I'm so over this war over body image and what someone SHOULD look like. Just over it. I just want people to feel confident. I want people to BE good people and treat people in a positive way. I want to see more motivation and less judgement.

I just want people to have that self-love.

That's all.

Should've, Could've BUT Didn't

So I was at the grocery store today buying my 3/$10 Arrowhead water and I notice a very attractive fellow.  VERY attractive. For those that know my type and my caliber of men...YOU KNOW this person was attractive. Not to toot my own horn but TOOT (gosh darn naggit) TOOT, I WAS LOOKING VERY ATTRACTIVE TOO! Oh yes I was! And he caught a glimpse of me and I knowww he thought I was cute. You just pick up on these things. However, we were in two different lines (curse my impatient nature) and the girls infront of me were taking too long (seriously...you don't know that your propane tank can't be put on the convayer belt?) and while I should have gone chasing after him to ask for his number I instead gave the snack I bought for this homeless man I see quite frequently (darn my good nature).

Well, that's the end of that story. No real lesson. No real story. Just wanted to vent and tell you that Arrowhead water is on sale at Von's for 3/$10. Hahaha. 

#ForeverAlone 

Womanly Insecurities

I work in retail. I know a thing or two about boosting an ego. I do it on the daily. "That makes you look so gorgeous! I am loving your body. It is like--VAH VAH VAH VOOM! You seriously need to buy this dress because if you don't, I'm you buy it for you!" Yes, I'm that sales person (FYI, I don't make commission). However, I don't always make those comments because I like to be honest with my customers. "No. Just no. Put something else on. You want me to be honest? The other one is nicer and it is cheaper. Buy that one." Why? Why am I honest? Because being honest is just the type of person I am. And the more they really love the items you helped them choose the more likey you will have a repeat customer on your hands. And I LOVE repeat customers. 

Do you know what I love most though? I love giving women the chance to feel beautiful again. Some women come into the store having a terrible day, month, year... They come in expecting to just buy one thing for an event they have to go to and end up leaving with so much more. I've had women crying in dresses because they actually feel beautiful...and it is because I got them to feel that way. Shopping can be very therapeutic (especially if you have me selling you clothes Teehee). I mean, yes it is stressful when you can't seem to find exactly what you want to wear...but there are times that putting on the right outfit and having someone else verify that you look as good as you think you do--Honey, let me tell you it is the best feelings ever! And it hurts to see how broken some of these women's spirits are. They say things like, "My pooch is hanging out." "Look at my fat jiggle." "I look like a stuffed sausage." And to those statements I have to look them in the eye and remind them, "You know what? No. You are NOT fat. You are beautiful. There is no fat shaming here." And it isn't only the bigger women that feel self-conscience about things. I've had rail thin girls complain about not having breasts to fill dresses out, being so thing that it looks like they are drowning in the dress, that things make them look thinner... And bustier women who feel like their cleavage is too much, that the shirt draws too much attention to their breasts even though they are full covered. At the end of the day, we all have these insecurities. And as women, we really need to not point out the flaws of our peers. I might have a pimple on my face. You don't have to notify me of the huge spot on my face that is glowing red even with make-up over it because guess what...I SAW IT ALREADY. Shocked? Because you shouldn't be--IT IS ON MY FACE!

Let's just be courteous of the other women we encounter. You have your soft spots and she has her own. So be uplifting, be encouraging and be kind.

Low Points

This is just a little something I've learned recently about really low points in your life:

Things will be hard. You will have really low moments in your life. You will reach moments so low that you might even end up on your knees, crying, speaking to God and asking, "What should I be doing?!" (Oh wait...maybe that last one is only me) 

Just remember when you calm down enough:

Things will be better. You will be better. Time will pass and you will learn and grow. You will adjust, and settle, and adjust again. That is what LIFE is, I think. Finding ways through all of your heartaching mistakes, letdowns, faults and problems to that moment of clarity. Those moments when things just click. Those sighs of relief after you get good news after what feels like a marathon of sadness. Those overwhelming jolts of happiness when you have accomplished something. Those moments when you feel at peace. It's like being sore after a really good workout. It hurts to push through your whole workout and you are still really sore afterwards but there will be rewards far greater than the temporary pain! NEWSFLASH: pain is only temporary. Unfortubately, there will always be that new something, that new problem or problems that stretches your capacity far more. But you will learn to thrive. Sometimes you might have to let things go. You might just have to revel in the pain and learn. 

Learn to embrace those things that will always feel unfinished. Those things that you felt you couldn't fix. Those things you never got to do. Those things you wish you would have said or done. You just have to learn to accept it all. This is where you are in life right now. This is where you got yourself. Accept it. Learn from it. Embrace it.

You are on the edge of an unwritten portion of your life. Stand strong. You will survive. You will get through this. 

You will be happy. 

You will be happy. 

You WILL be happy.

And when it comes to living life filled with love "Be truthful, be gentle, and be fearless."

-H

If I Told My Friends I am in a Relationship...

I wrote a funny little note about this before and tagged some of my friends and we all had a good laugh about the zombie apocalypse starting. So I thought a little bit more about this and came up with another list.

IF I was in a relationship people that knew me would...

1) Think the zombie apocalypse is upon us!!!

2) Think, "ABOUT GOSH DARN TIME!!!"

3) "So-And-So" looked cuter.

4) Where does she find these guys?/ Where does she find these HOT guys?

5) Say something along the lines of, "I give it a couple months before she says that she doesn't want to be with him anymore."

6) Think, "Wait...Is she pregnant?"

7) Say, "BAHAHAHAHA! ...Wait, you're not joking?"

8) Say, "It's like 3am...Stop joking."

9) Think, "Lol! Poor dude..."

10) Awe, Hya's ACTUALLY IN a relationship.

BONUS: BUT LIKE REALLY THOUGH! Zombies are probably upon us!!!

-Hya

So, I think it is time to put on the big girl pants and actually look for a person to be in a relationship with(cue the serious music DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!!!). I honestly believe I'm completely ready for that. I mean, I love dating people! I really do! Going out, having fun. Dating is great! But a little voice in the back of my head is shouting at me because--well, I've never been in a relationship. Maybe it is because I've told myself for years that being single is fun and exciting and maybe I've fully convinced myself that being someone's girlfriend isn't for me.

Now, now--this has always been by choice and I am known for pushing people away. I always thought that God was going to send me signs as to who I was suppose to date and whether or not a person is the right person for me. Little did I know that I would have to learn those signs by my lonesome and pick up on the subtle cues. Unfortunately, due to my amazing denial of someone actual feeling something other than extreme closeness to me--I've missed out on plenty of times to be someone's girlfriend. Now, to give myself some credit--my ways of thinking have also lead to great conversations with guys about not wanting to be a sexualized object, about being a priority in someone else's life and the list goes on... And I've stopped myself from entering into things I wasn't ready for.

None of this means that I will be out there looking desperately for Mr. Right. Oh no, I'll be out there dating around and having fun with guys that seem nice enough. I mean, you have to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find Prince Charming. Lol. I'm just going to be open to the thought of being in a relationship. I've never really allowed myself the chance to think that way. It has always been, "Don't be serious. This all just for fun," But I guess I've realized that at some point you have to stop playing because other people don't think it's a game (I honestly feel like one person was actually pretty mad at me for that reason). So, I'll be out there--dating a bunch of people. With this new mindset. Hopefully I will keep an open mind about relationships. We'll see. 

-H

About Being Single

There are times when I have asked, "Why not me? Why am I single? Do I not deserve love?" I hate to say that these questions are typically if me to ponder but unfortunately it is the truth.

If you've known me for a while then you know that I am an advocate for having fun when you are young. I have stated plenty of times that when you are twenty-something you should be out there figuring out who you are and what you want--that dating should be lighthearted and fun. By no means have I ever been an advocate of no dating until you are thirty five (but to my little ones that are reading this, I do suggest not dying until you are at least sixteen).

These ideas that I don't only preach but live by have been my life for my whole entire life thus far. And I don't think that it is the ONLY reason that I've always been single.

For a very long time I had given up on an ideal romantic partner. It isn't because I'm not loved enough. I have enough love in my life. Quite honestly, it is probably because a lot of the love that I've experienced has been tolerance and acceptance. For me, I have always felt as if I have given a lot more love than I have received. And most of the time I have been happy to be the more loving person but there are definitely times when I have felt taken for granted.

Anyhow, none of this has ever discouraged me from dating and being affectionate. I'm a very caring person. I am the the type of person that will root for you in everything that you attempt to do if that is what makes you happy and a better person. But as the person who has always been for lighthearted and fun dating it has been hard for me to really take any of these "relationships" too seriously.

Dating someone is an amazing way to really get to know yourself and for your own personal growth. You figure out what you like, what you don't like, how to take another person's interests into consideration, how to really manage your time with other people, finding a balence in your life, how your actions effect other people--there are just so many things.

I love dating. I love going out on dates. But building a relationship--that is hard for me when it comes to a romantic relationship. It isn't just because I get too scared of something serious or because I like being serious. I am just that accustomed to this idea that keeping things lighthearted and fun--And it's difficult for me to cut ties with it.

I've stated plenty of times that I want a serious relationship. And I've been very close to being in them. When it comes down to it--I have let go of my ideas of "lighthearted and fun" before I go into something more serious. My ideas of lighthearted and fun are dating a lot of people. Getting to know those people. Having fun with those people. But ALWAYS keeping them at a good distance away from my heart. And I've hurt myself and a few good men because of this.

So while I might still be doing the whole lighthearted and fun dating thing right now I think I have really opened up to the idea that I can be in a serious relationship.

The way I came around to this idea is because I was recently dating someone who made me feel really special. And he really did change my mind about some of my dating habits. I do want to still date around but I want to be really selective in who I talk to. I want those people to make me feel giddy and ladylike. I want to be the couple that other people smile at because we are that cute around each other. I don't know--maybe I have dated enough to really know what I need to be happy in a relationship. I really have a good notion of who I am now too.

It isn't like I'm just going to stop being very lighthearted and fun about dating but...I'm also not going to be so Loosey Goosey about everything now. We'll see.