So, I think it is time to put on the big girl pants and actually look for a person to be in a relationship with(cue the serious music DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!!!). I honestly believe I'm completely ready for that. I mean, I love dating people! I really do! Going out, having fun. Dating is great! But a little voice in the back of my head is shouting at me because--well, I've never been in a relationship. Maybe it is because I've told myself for years that being single is fun and exciting and maybe I've fully convinced myself that being someone's girlfriend isn't for me.

Now, now--this has always been by choice and I am known for pushing people away. I always thought that God was going to send me signs as to who I was suppose to date and whether or not a person is the right person for me. Little did I know that I would have to learn those signs by my lonesome and pick up on the subtle cues. Unfortunately, due to my amazing denial of someone actual feeling something other than extreme closeness to me--I've missed out on plenty of times to be someone's girlfriend. Now, to give myself some credit--my ways of thinking have also lead to great conversations with guys about not wanting to be a sexualized object, about being a priority in someone else's life and the list goes on... And I've stopped myself from entering into things I wasn't ready for.

None of this means that I will be out there looking desperately for Mr. Right. Oh no, I'll be out there dating around and having fun with guys that seem nice enough. I mean, you have to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find Prince Charming. Lol. I'm just going to be open to the thought of being in a relationship. I've never really allowed myself the chance to think that way. It has always been, "Don't be serious. This all just for fun," But I guess I've realized that at some point you have to stop playing because other people don't think it's a game (I honestly feel like one person was actually pretty mad at me for that reason). So, I'll be out there--dating a bunch of people. With this new mindset. Hopefully I will keep an open mind about relationships. We'll see. 

-H