Annoyed With Dating

By December 28th, 2015 I will be twenty-four years old and never had a boyfriend.  I'm not saying that this is a miracle and I'm not fishing for any comments about being single for so long.  I'm just here to explain my reasoning as to why I and very annoyed with dating.

There is a post out there that basically says, "This generation is messed up.  Girls are to scared to love, boys are too scared to show emotion.  Every one puts on a face and is heartless."  It's not only that, all people want to do these days is play house, have sex but they aren't looking for a relationship.  And I'll be honest, I've been the girl to say, "I don't want a relationship right now" or "I don't believe in relationships" only because what I was exposed to was that people my age weren't looking for potential husband or wife.  And if I'm being honest with myself, at the time I really wasn't looking to settle down.  Not that I'm now looking to settle down with someone but I think if you communicate things right and if you hear certain cues, you can really save yourself the trouble of ending up with a dead-end person.

Now, dead-end people have their time and place.  Someone wise once described these people as "plus-one" relationships.  These are the people that you keep at bay.  You know when  you are invited to a party and you have to bring a date but you aren't dating anyone at the time and you don't want to give someone the wrong idea if you invite them...this is where your "plus-one" comes in handy, boo.  They are the people you hit up when you are feeling lonely.  They are the ones that you go for beers with.  They are the ones who take you out for food every once in a while. These are the poor souls who you are attracted to and you guys have good chemistry but you honestly don't see a future with them.  A really good quote from dead-end relationships I've heard and said, "I'm not ready for a relationship right now but I really like hanging out with you."

There are so many signs of ending up as a plus-one and half of the time you don't even know you are one. Something I've heard a lot from people these days are "breaks" in relationships [insert eye roll here].  I'm not saying that they don't work or anything but if they do...honey, that is exception and not the rule.  If you really want to get back with them later on there is the whole "conversation" that some people want to have.  The best scenario is when you both just agree that things happened when you weren't together and that shouldn't mean anything if you both want to move forward together.  Another other painful thing I've heard, "We've been dating for a long time and he doesn't want to meet my family/friend/go to an event with me." The reason is because he thinks that one more step closer to alter or being official.  If you've found yourself here and you don't know how you got here it is probably because you missed something or you failed to have a clear vision of what you expected...or many it was a fluke...who knows.

You can save yourself from being or finding a plus-one or a dead-end person. If they say they aren't ready for a relationship, then they probably aren't ready for a relationship.  If you are on a date and they say, "I always go out every weekend with just my friends to the newest bar/club" Then they probably aren't ready for a relationship.  If they only call or text you after 10pm.  If they text you "Hey" but when you respond you don't get any reply back.  If they are asking for a sexy/cute text and they have not earned that sexy/cute text.  If they ask you to come over and never take you out.  If you ever feel like you are only there when it is convenient for them and it is never about you...boo boo, you are a plus-one, honey!

Here is the worst thing...You my friend, are far too valuable to be a plus-one or a dead-end for someone.  Even if that is what you need right now...  If they aren't ready for a relationship but you are, move on.  If they still want you they can go find you.  If they are always going out but you aren't into that scene, find one who you have things in common with.  Don't respond to the booty-call text or call that happens whenever they are in the mood.  If they don't respond back after texting you then stop giving them the effort and attention they are looking for.  Make them earn those cute or sexy texts and say, "I think you have me mistaken for future me who has been dating you for quite some time now" or here's an idea...don't text back.  Leave if all they want to do is have sex with you.  Even if both of you do want to be each other's "plus-ones" it doesn't last long without becoming complicated.  Your time, your heart, your value surpasses the title of "dead-end" or "plus-one" when you are looking for someone to love.

Here's why I'm so very annoyed with dating: I want love.  It takes so much to see past all the people who aren't looking for something more than just sex.  It takes so much to not get caught up in thinking "this is what dating should be like because everyone else dates like this everyone else acts like this".  Some people think that love means that it's over, she/he just wants to settle down and have 2.5 kids.  For me it's not.  I just like to think that there are people out there who aren't trying to just get in my pants and actually gives a rat's behind about my feelings over sex.  "This generation is messed up.  Girls are to scared to love, boys are too scared to show emotion.  Every one puts on a face and is heartless."  How about just, "Every one puts on a face."  It's hard to date.  It's hard to let go of insecurities and that's what makes it so hard to get to know people.  That's just a small portion of what I think these days...  Obviously there is more to be said about it all but I just wanted to vent.

Less Than A Man: Hya's Comments on Sexual Harassment

The general lack of respect towards women is so upsetting to me. Some people honestly believe that sexual harassment towards women isn't actually a thing. They don't see it. They don't believe it.

Sexual harassment goes beyond the cat calls and the gropping. It lives on because people don't see women as equals. "Smile for me, Gorgeous." Who gave you the permission to order me to do anything? "I didn't want to have sex with you to begin with." No one here was offering! Just because I am passing through, DOES NOT mean I am passing through just for you. 

Sexual harassment is all about power and control over women. It is about men thinking that women are targets and can be objectified. It is about men thinking they are entitled to making a women feel lower than men. That women are just occupying the space that men own. 

You know what always bothered me? When I'm out with a date or my brothers or my male friends it doesn't happen often. So the men in my life don't really get to see the full on display of sexual harassment. If they ever did, I know they would all be upset.

HOWEVER, it still happens once in a blue moon when I am around a man. The awful part about the rude interactions of sexual harassment I've had while around a man I was never apologized to.

I was once at a bar with a date. He had gone to the bathroom. A guy had come up to me. I said I was not interested. The guy continued. Date comes back. Guy apologizes to my date saying, "Sorry man, I didn't know she was with you." And then said nothing to me. Apparently, when I say I'm not interested that isn't enough. 

The numerous times I've held my dates closer because of cat calls or when I've lied about having a boyfriend. Because some men won't take no for an answer unless you've been claimed. Because again, women are seen as objects that need to be controlled by men.

And heaven forbid that women control men! If a woman controlled a man, he would be seen as a "pussy" or less than a man. The fact that the slang term for women genitals are used as an insult just furthers my point that women aren't seen as equals.

I am not physically strong enough to fight off a man if he doesn't like what I say. So I can't just look at a guy who whistles at me when I'm alone on the streets at night and say, "That's disrespectful. Stop it" I can't fight off a man if I tell him what i really want is some respect after he calls out to me "Hey yo blue dress! I like your dress." Even if I was strong enough to do so I don't think it would make a difference because they already have it in their heads that I am less than they are and what I say doesn't matter as much as they believe.

For a man to stand up to his friends when they say rude comments. For a man to tell other guys to apologize. For a man to stand up for women who have been sexually harassed. Now that. That would make a difference. Get that conversation started.

You will never really know me

You will never really know me

You will only see my face

The one I put on every day

To hide my silent pain.

You will never really know me

You will hear and see me laugh

The simple smile and smirk

Deep down the anger lurks.

You will never really know me

How I long to feel loved

The only thing keeping me

Is God from heaven above.

You will never really know me

If judging is all you do

I sit and pray waiting

Just to get away from you.

You will never really know me

Not even if you try

Because I'm scared

I run away & lie.

You will never really know me

I guess that's how it is

I want to start over

I need more than just this.

You will never know me

You will never really know me.

I'm not the same.

I'm not that girl.

You will never really know me

Because I barely know myself.

Rejection

Rejection is hard. As a girl, you don't tend to see the rejection side of things when it comes to dating. A guy casually comes up to you and says, "Hi my name is [insert name here]." You don't typically think twice about it. You simply judge and then respond. Even if you think you didn't respond, let me tell you, you did. If you brush it off and scoff, that's a response. If you roll your eyes, that's a response. If you laugh with your friend, that is a response.

Have you ever even thought about what it takes for a guy to even come up to you like that? What pride he might suffer if the response is negative? What insecurities he might harbor? How he might feel? My thoughts are that in the moment you haven't. Sure, you were super friendly and then ditched him after he bought you a drink. Sure, you had a great conversation with him until your drink was done. Sure, you let him down easy--you just had to use him before you left. 

You know, we all ask for respect. We all want common decency and yet here we are playing "the game" like none of us have any real emotions, like we are only looking out for ourselves. You are not better than the person standing next to you. You both have the same rights and are both on the pursuit of happiness.

Be kind.

Dear Future Love of Mine,

Hi. So, I guess you're the lucky fellow who has broken the fortress of solitude. It's a whole different universe for me and you know that. I guess I just wanted to say, congratulations. You've succeeded what I thought would be impossible. I'm sure there is quite a story of how you got to be my first real love. I know how stubborn I can be. I. Know.

If my predictions are right then the following statements really hit close to home. I was really easy to talk to but there was a huge wall of something I didn't or couldn't talk to you about. I would look at you as if I was about to say something but I would say it was nothing. I would always be upbeat and when I was upset it would come out of no where. I would always fight back tears. I would have moments of silence. I would hide.

But you. You knew how to get passed all of that. You knew how to say and do things other men never understood, things I never understood. You too must be very stubborn...or brave.

Twenty-three years of facing the world I live in alone. Only opening up to my closest friends and select individuals. I was constantly thinking that no one could ever understand or want to know or care to know. But you. You would. I mean, that's what you get with me, the girl who withholds details, the one who is so good at facades. I don't know how you got to me but I'm going to thank God when it happens.

I'm going to pray for you. I'm going to pray for the day you come into my life. I'm going to pray for how thankful I am for finally having something real and good that I could hold on to. I'm going to pray for the grace you have granted me. For the suffering you will shoulder. For the long conversations to come. For the irritation I will cause. For every time I deny you access to my life. For every time you have to pick me up. I will pray for us. I will pray that you and I will be happy. I will pray that you and I have bond stronger than that of those who have made me believe that love doesn't exist. I will pray that I have the strength to be the woman who is worthy of a man like you. I will pray that I become the women I know I want to be. I will pray that I will work on my my own faults and be stronger, smarter and happier.

Until then... I love you. And thank you.

-Hyacinth

The Last Seven Days

Saturday my Uncle Rudy passed away.  Then I found out that a classmate of mine from high school has too.  My thoughts have been pretty cloudy. School and work and my schedule in general has been interesting to say the least.

Today I focused my thoughts and prayers on peace. Peace for my friends and family who have been affected and stressed by loss or any troubles. I hope we find peace.

I've always thought that happines is what we should be working towards. This week has shown me that peace is far more valuable. You don't have to be elated to be at peace. You just feel a calm. That second of, "You are going to be fine."  Peace.  Hope for peace.

Natural

Today I looked like this. No hair products. No make-up. Nothing fancy. Au natural.

We live in a society where putting your eyebrows on before you walk out the door is a necessity, wearing makeup at the beach is normal and having "cute" gym clothes is a thing. For most people ages 12-30 our lives are focused on finding love in a world of likes, views and reposts. It's no wonder I feel this need to look like I'm doing ok when I'm not.

I have these days when I tear myself down. For a while I would have men that I was interested in validate that I was a good person, that I was beautiful and smart. It's been a while since I've gone on a date and I've had to turn to the one person I was hiding from, my harshest critic, myself.

Sometimes I forget what it is like to be beautiful on the inside without all the make-up and hair products and other girly things. I forget what makes me a reliable and strong individual. I forget that I can be confident without those extra beauty boosts. So today I didn't do anything special to my face or hair. I went to work in the morning. My day went on as normal. I was around my family. My day went on as normal. I went to the post office and a man called me beautiful so I said thank you and my day went as normal. I went to school. I did my work and guess what...my day went on as normal.

We spend so much money and time on hair and make-up and we don't even need it. It does make us feel beautiful but we have to remember that beauty shouldn't come from a can but from our minds and our hearts. We must be beautiful in our thoughts and actions because that is what matters the most and makes you...you.

Today I felt, beautiful. I honestly hope that you did too.

XOXO.

Bikinis & Actions

I'm fed up with fighting for what "I should" think is modest. I'm tired of hearing people tell me what they believe is appropriate for me to wear at certain times of the day. I am done with feeling ashamed of what I look like and what I want to wear because it can understood as a gateway for men to objectify me. NO. 

Stop saying that women should just wear one piece bathing suits because it promotes promiscuity and makes men lust after women. Will men see a woman in a bikini and think lustful thoughts. Sure. However! Don't you dare say that women will not do the same. Women have eyes and we will objectify men (period) I'm not saying that go forth and run free with no clothes on. I'm saying that it is ok to love your body. It is ok to love other bodies. STOP TRYING TO SHAME PEOPLE. You are teaching young girls that it isn't ok to wear certain items because we are the cause and the blame for the actions of men if they pursue us purely based off of what we look like. How evil! We should be teaching all people to continue to pursue someone of their liking do to their thoughts and actions. We are always going to have urges that attract us to someone. We're animals! We have a mating ritual! And as primitive as it sounds we do chose our mates off of what we believe is going to produce the fittest spawn. 

I would like to believe that we all have the ability to see past material and primitive aspects of mating. I would like to hope, because I am a young single person, that those I do purse see me more as soul and less of a sack of pleasurable looking and feeling skin and bones. 

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.Therefore honor God with your bodies." (1 Cor 6:19-20) 

He DIED for us and our sins. We should honor him by what we DO with our bodies and our minds. We should not judge by what is on them but rather who they are and what great things they have to offer. 

My Nerdy Side

A list of things that I believe make me "nerdy" in a very cute and lovable type of way.

1) I wear large, thick framed glasses.

2) I can probably quote Starship Troopers better than most basic girls can quote Mean Girls and Bring It On combined.

3) I've actually read Starship Troopers.

4) I have a favorite author.

5) I like cult films such as "The Heathers" "Rocky Horror Picture Show" and "Evil Dead"

6) I've watched the original "Evil Dead" and the sequel to it.

7) I've been to a "Rocy Horror Picture Show" viewing more than once and have participated in yelling better lines at the screen.

8) I've read the graphic novels of movies BEFORE they were movies.

9) I've watched all the Star Wars movies (I still like 1,2,3 better and I'm not sorry about it).

10) LotR. I know what it means. I watched all of them and yes, I knew there would be prequel. No. I did not read it.

11) Harry Potter. I read every book. I watched every movie. I owned a shirty. Pottermore. The fanfictions. The fan forums. Secret secret secret confession: I actually cared about my status on the forums and I so desperately wanted to be an admin.

12) Qunitin Tarantino. I love it. I understand it. It's funny.

13) Stan Lee. You now know my comic book loyalies.

14) Kevin Smith. Your silence and movies are genius.

15) When DVD's first came out I watched the movie and then re-watched it right away with director commentary. First dvd was LotR.

16) I stood in line at Barnes&Nobles to be one of the first people to get a copy of a book.

17) I have chosen to read a book over sleep.

18) I've been to Comic-Con.

19) I secretly wanted to drive to Anahiem to attend the Blizzard Convention.

20) There is more... This is all I'm willing to confess right now.

Dear Body,

I love you. I love you. I love you. Sometimes it's hard to remember all that we've been through and how much we've grown, how comfortable I've become with everything you are and everything you will be. It's been five years since I've written a letter like this. I feel like it is important to say these things to you again.

My eyes, I don't know how to explain just how thankful for you I really am. Five years ago we couldn't see far away. Now that we have received glasses everything seems to have cleared up. You have provided me the brightest and darkest memories. We've enjoyed more than one hundred perfect sunsets of various colors and landscapes. We've watched my family smile and cry and relax. You have shed tears so hard that you were puffy and red. You have been colored to match my moods and my dresses. You have lead me to new destinations and have seen people and things come in and out of my life. You have seen my life.

My legs, you have brought me places. You are my built in mode of transportation. You have the strongest muscles in my body. You help me run. You've helped me climb. We have walked in and out of people's lives and kept going. We've danced in the middle of empt parking lots, jumped in excitement, cursed every single pair of heels I own and walked miles of sandy beaches. We've traveled so many miles together and we've been so sore. You've been over many mountains, endured plenty of uphill battles and helped me extend my height to reach multiple embraces. For those things and more I am extremely grateful.

To my arms and hands, there are things you need to know. I am more connected thanks to you. I am connected to my faith every time I place my hand on my chest or clasp my hands together when I pray. When I raise my hands up in praise or hold them out to share my praise with others. I am connected to the ones I adore the most. That touch. That closeness you help me achieve by small actions of holding hands or running my hands through hair and holding people close and tight. You have helped me achieve things I can't express with just words.

My waist and lower stomach. There are times when you feel very much loved. I know this is true. Over the past five years we've changed a lot. We've had progress and regrets. A lot of regrets. I have recently been reminded that you are the source of many things. You create energy, heat and life. I should never forsake you. If I ever have, I'm sorry.

Body, I promise to always take great care of you. To do what I honestly believe is best for you. To try and not be so upset with the way you look or feel. To give you the best. To be the best with you. To remind myself of all the things you are blessed with and can do. If and when I fail I promise to do better. 

I love you. I love you. I love you, Body.

Sex

How did I learn about sex? A lot of what I learned about sex can from movies, my friends, from school and my parents.  Quite honestly, I don't remember a time when my parents sat me down and talked about sex.  They just told me, "Don't have sex." "Don't be promiscuous." "It's more acceptable for men to sleep around." And while I know they tell me these things for very valid reasons I refuse to accept these statements as facts. These are their opinions and because they raised me right, I RESPECT that. I acknowledge that. I see why they would say these things to a young, very pretty teenager.

These days, as I pass on knowledge to my cousin's kids and teenagers I know that come to me for advice and comfort I wouldn't tell them those things.  At least, not in that manner.  If I was talking to my former self the following is what I would tell her and how I would tell her.

Wait, so have you had sex yet?  Do you know what sex is? Ok, tell me.

Did you know that sex can be more than just a penis goes into a vagina?  Sex and whatever "Losing your virginity" is entirely up to you.  Why are you uncomfortable talking about this?  If you are uncomfortable, I'm going to tell you this right now, you my dear are not ready to engage in sex.  I love you...but you aren't.  Look,  sex is a normal thing.  Your parents had sex, I mean...if they didn't you wouldn't be here.  Even your grandma had sex.  Think about this too, your parents and your grandparents had to have at least had sex (blank) amount of times for every child he or she has.  BOOM.  Mind blown.

Ok, ready to really talk about sex?  If you want to wait until marriage, that is totally up to you but if not, I'm not going to be upset.  I just want to know that when you do decided to have sex that you know what you want.  Do you know what you want? Not just in a partner but in life.  Because I don't care how safe you think you are but once you have sex there is ALWAYS a consequence.  For you, yes, there is a chance of pregnancy.  You can be on birth control, he can be wearing a condom, you can take the morning after pill afterwards and you can still end up pregnant.  And there is ALWAYS risk of STDs.  Even when your gentiles don't touch, you can still get an STD or an STI.  Oral sex, hand jobs, even close contact or deep kissing can lead you to having a STD or an STI.  If you are lost at this point or have any questions about any of this, let me know and I can slow it down for you.  But just so you know, if you don't know any of this, I don't think you are ready for sex.

I NEED you to understand this.  I can't have you just say that you understand.  You need to understand.  I just want you to know that you can come to me.  I want you to know that you have someone you can talk to about this.  Your parents, me and other people that truly and honestly love you just want to know that you are safe.  If anything bad was to happen to you, it would crush us.  If your heart is broken, if you are sick...we want to know.  I just need you to know that you have someone to come to if you ever have a problem or a question about this.  It will be as private as you need it to be.  And I said need.  If it does come to a point when I honestly believe that it is best that your parents need to know...I am going to have to tell them.  I know you might hate me for that but...yeah...

Anyhow, back to sex. This person that you want to have sex with, have they gotten tested yet?  Are they sexually active already? Do you feel safe around them?  Is what you have with this person an open or closed relationship?  Do you think this person would have sex with anyone else other than you while sleeping with you?  Again, I'm just asking because I love you.  Ok.

I'm just going to say it because I believe it, you are a remarkable person.  I want you to take care of yourself first no matter what.  I need you to know that even if this person you are going to loose it to might not be the last and final person you ever have sex with...You are going to be ok.  I want you to ALWAYS get tested before and after any sexual partner.  I want you to always come to me if you need help or advice and I promise that I will try my hardest to be non-judgmental.  I just want you to know that whatever you decided to do is your decision and you have to deal with whatever comes next.  However, if anything does happen and you do need my help I will try my best to help you through it.  I just want you to be ready for whatever happens.  And I really hope that whenever it does happen that you are ok with it.  Again, I love you.  Please come to me if you ever have any questions or help.

"Do not be too moral.You may cheat yourself out of much life.Aim above morality.Be not simply good;be good for something." -HDT

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

So a couple of days ago I was grocery shopping and saw this guy that looked like someone I know with his father laughing and smiling and joking around. Knowing that the person who I know has an estranged father I was faced with this overwhelming cloud of sadness for him and wondered what kind of man he would have been if he and his father had a better story. If you've ever read or watched the movie "Attonment" you know that gut wrenching feeling of the story being false.

It's weird thinking that things could have or would have been different. It's sad.

Whatever, the following has a happy ever after ending.

"Him" as short story by Hyacinth Guimbatan

When you meet someone for the first time you don't really know what to expect but with him I knew the story would be good. That smile and unwavering confidence had my head spinning. The more we talked the more charm was spun and shaked around me. And when I left the party I could still taste the magic of the kiss we shared.

It was a whirlwind romance. Dances in empty parking lots. Dates next to the lake. Lighthearted conversations about where we wanted to go in life. There were no sad stories. There was no feeling of truth being withheld. It was all honest and sincere.

The stories that I enjoyed the most were about him and his father. They would go golfing every Sunday. They would go sailing just the two of them. How they would talk about everything under the sun and discuss the works of Ethan Hawkings, Thoreau and Emerson. All of these books I have seen at his own apartment. His family would always have dinner together on Sunday afternoon. All of them would be eating the same thing at the same time but never at the table it rather in their own little usual spots around the house. His mother would be at the TV, his brother on the floor playing with the dog, his father in his office and he would sit at the table right in the middle of it all, watching. You could feel the love in the air and the comfort they brought to one another. They would joke about who farted, bring up silly stories and the house would just fill with warm thoughts.

As much as I loved his family and as much as I cared for him our story just simply fizzled out. We remained close friends. He still gives me advice about school and what I should do once I was sending my applications out. I listen to him go on about the beautiful and strong woman he was dating and give him advice on his family and work related issues. We have a great completely platonic relationship. I guess I just couldn't bare the thought of losing him as a friend.

As I watched him and his new girlfriend talk and joke around at his birthday party his father came up to me and squeezed my shoulder. Not because he and I knew I was the right choice for him but because we both knew she was and that I was still always going to be there as a friend.

She and I became quick friends bonding over religion and the topic of pageants and bikini competitions. We shared tips on posing and where to tan and self-tanning. We made plans for EDM events and slowly began secretly planning our own weddings.

I began seeing someone else and the two of them would give me all the advice they could think of. And while I admired their love for me I knew I needed to just dive in. Because there was nothing me holding me back other than the want to be happy and have what they did, I couldn't help but fall fast and hard for this man. It was something that I knew I never could have done if the two of them hadn't fallen in love or if I still had feelings for him. But what I have now is everything he and I lacked and so much more.

21 Reasons I'm Glad I'm Not 21

21) Going to a bar you go to quite frequently and greet with a smile, hugs, free soda, free fries & other things.

20) Knowing that buying alcohol and just talking with your friends over a beer is more fun than going out, getting wasted and dancing with strangers.

19) Knowing whichs bars and clubs to go to and when to go to them.

18) Knowing when and where to park the car when you go out.

17) Understanding the value of a good dry white.

16) Knowing how to tip your bartender well enough to love you, respect you and always take your order before other people.

15) Knowing your limits.

14) Pointing out the people who just turned 21.

13) Ordering mules, proseco, wines that match your dish and other drinks that only 21-year-olds take for granted.

12) Knowing what you want to order before you are asked.

11) Never being over or underdressed or simply just not caring.

10) Being able to stay sober as a DD.

9) Being able to stay sober even when you aren't the DD.

8) Never worrying about where to go because all your friends are all 21 and over.

7) It's very rare that you have a huge hangover.

6) It's very rare that you look like a complete mess when you go out and fearing the possibility of it ending up on social media. Mostly reserved for big celebrations such as weddings and birthdays.

5) Being ok with the fact that you left the club before 12am.

4) Having your friends be ok with the fact that you left the club before 12am.

3) Knowing when and where you should go for Happy Hour.

2) Knowing where to stay in Vegas and how to upgrade your room or already having a free upgrade from frequent player points (Those $5 poker tables are a trap).

1) Pointing out fond memories wherever you decide to go out.

#DearMe

Hey Little Me,

Going back to high school and middle school me. I feel like you always had people figured out. You knew who you wanted to listen to, who you wanted to follow & most importantly who you are. 

As you advance into the world of social media I need you to know and understand the following: 1) What you see everyday on MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and later on Instagram and various other sites is only the highlight reel of people's lives. Just because your highlight reel is not as fun does not mean you have a bad life. Just live your life and do you. You won't regret it. 2) You shouldn't feel the need to post every second of your day. Hate to break it to you but most people don't care. 3) People will always we reading, watching and responding to what you do online and in real life. Watch what you post, who is able to see what you post and what others post about you. I know you won't post anything bad but just be cautious anyway. These people might soon be your colleagues and future references. Watch out for the people you care about too. 4) You don't need likes or thumbs ups to feel loved. Being loved outside of social media is better anyway.

Love and life: I really don't want to tell you much. I just want you to know you'll be ok. You are indeed one of the prettiest flowers out there and while you have bloomed in the best ways possible just know that being picked by someone too soon is irreversible and I promise that you aren't missing anything by watching your friends be picked first. Enjoy your life and bloom on. Let the bees buzz and the birds fly on by. You'll get there. I'll let you know that you have not loved yet but what you have had goes beyond that. You have learned to love yourself and know your worth. You have learned what you want and what you don't want. You know how to treat someone with respect and not be jealous or envious. You learned how to take care of yourself first. You have put your heart out there and you aren't afraid of speaking your mind. You aren't afraid of what who you like thinks of you. You are content. Stay content. Always stay content.

Direction: You will always have a hard time figuring out what you want. It isn't anything new to you now. You have many dreams. And while many people will tell you to pick one and follow it, I'm going to tell you to keep at it and try it all. Discover new things every day. If to doesn't make you happy change it. You are brilliant and you always find your own path. If it takes a while, that's ok. Just follow it.

I guess this was all just for reassurance. A little note to remind you that you are doing fine. And remember, 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 "Be on your guard; Stand FIRM in the faith. Be brave; Be STRONG. Do ALL your work in love."

It Frustrates Me

It frustrates me when people don't talk about an issue normally with me. It actually pisses me off more when people don't want to discuss what is wrong and just dismisses the conversation by saying, "Just stop. End of conversation." No. Not resolving something that can we talked over quickly is stupid. Quite honestly, I'd rather talk really briefly say something's that are a bit rude and offensive and be over it in a few minutes than not talk about it and be angry for the whole day over some stupid grudge. You remember when people said, "Never go to bed angry." Forget that. Go to bed angry is better than staying up until 5:30am arguing BUT never actually arguing...that's even worse. Holding in anger, holding in a grudge--it makes for an angry person. I don't like being angry. It's not the kind of person I am. Passionate, enthusiastic and loud--yes. Don't be angry. Talk. That's all I'm asking for.

My First Love Story

The second I understood my first love story, I knew.

I began looking for you everywhere. I created what you might look like. What you might be interested in. Dreamt of the various things you would do to love me. Imagined the ways you would say "I love you." And you would. Love me that is.

I knew who you were all along. All I needed to do was find you. I didn't understand how hard that would be back then. Now, I know.

People would disguise themselves as you. They would portray similar attributes. They would create their own version of you. When I stripped them from their role of you in my life, I would try and find you again. Constantly subconsciously hoping you would appear and I would just know. Alas, no. 

That moment I understood my first love story...I just knew. I knew who you were. I knew I wanted to find you. 

Things People Have Told Me About My Single Status

Let me first start by saying I love you. As a 23-year-old woman who has been single her whole life & who has been hurt by a couple of guys, the following are my real thoughts about your advice that has been drilled into my brain. I get these statements All. The. Time.

"But you are sooo gorgeous. Any guy should be happy to be with you."

Because looks are all that matter. Yeah. Totally.

"Maybe your standards are too high."

If you have looked at my list of guys I have talked to, you would know that most of the time I hang out with them because of their personalities. They aren't all 10's. I'm going to keep my high standards because I don't want to end up with a unemployable jerk.

"God has a plan. You'll find him soon enough."

Oh really? Did he tell you that himself? If God really wanted a guy in my life right now. It would have happened, yes. But let's be real. Neither you or I know when that is going to be.

"It happens when you least expect it." Or another on of my favorites, "It happens when you stop looking."

When I hear this I honestly want to punch you in the face. No. It happens when it happens. Looking or not. Because if I stop looking I might pass up something good. Stop lying.

"You should find someone who treats you right."

...No. I'm going to find someone who is a comple leech and kicks me around.

"Just be happy and content. You'll get there."

Do you not know me? I hate you right now. I'm just going to respond with, "Yeah, I will." 

"You just need to put yourself out there."

I'm out there. You need to shut. up. Because I am more than out there. I am drowning out there. So shut up. Maybe I just like being single or I would rather be single than be with someone who treats me like shit or isn't who I'm attracted to mind, body and soul. My standards are higher than people who serial date. So shut. up. Wrong. No. Never say that to me again. No.

Showing Love

I give and show my heart a lot. I overuse the phrase, "I love you!" I tend to show a lot of affection towards people. I am very honest and that comes off as being very open.

I'm just honest. I would like it if you were the same. I show a lot of affection because that is the way I was taught to treat people. I say, "I love you!" Because I do. It's not romantic in anyway but I'm so glad you are in my life. I'm so happy for you. I'm so excited for all the things you will do. I want you to hear that someone loves you enough to be there every step of the way. I give and show my heart a lot because that is who I am but that does not mean I don't protect it.

Being a People Person

There are a couple of people that you might know that just fit easily into social situations. Those people who seem to make friends everywhere and always seem to have fun even if they aren't drinking. So here is my breakdown of being socially comfortable and having confident exchanges.

1) Try to keep the conversation about the other person.

The one thing I've learned is that people love talking about themselves. Stay interested by asking more questions, referring certain instances to your own personal experience but keep the focus on them. We typically think that our lives are long tv episodes starring us. When you make your guest stars or your reoccurring characters the main event your story line becomes that more dynamic. It's more fun when you share the spotlight.

2) Be honest.

People know when you are lying. Once hung out with this guy who over exaggerated every story he told. I knew the stories had some truth but everything we was a big pile of BS! When you aren't honest it leads people to think, "What else are they lying about?" Don't be that guy. Keep it honest. Be genuine in every compliment. People will respect and trust you more.

3) Put your gosh darn phone down.

(Period)

4) Stop judging.

The best thing I have ever done was stop judging people and start being more empathic. Truly, madly, deeply understanding things as much as you humanly can from their mindset. Some of the best conversations derived from allowing people to speak freely in a non-judgemenal environment are just...great. It's this extrication of stress and emotion. For you, for the other person. Bonds made over secrets, personal stories and deep emotions are hard to break.

5) High Energy

Keep it upbeat. You don't have to be loud. You don't even have to have the best posture. Be lively. Be in the conversation. Don't just possibly listen. Don't just stand there with your arms crossed. Smile. Nod. Respond.

6) Remeber their name. Be unforgettable.

Very few people really listen. Make it personal and remember their name. Be confident, have a firm handshake and smile when you say goodbye. "It was nice talking to you (insert name of person here)."

IT'S REALLY NOT HARD! Have great conversations with strangers or acquintences. It makes the world a less boring place.

Late Night Affirmations

I will be kind but won't let others abuse me. I will trust but not be deceived. I am content but I will never stop improving myself. I was given this life because I am strong enough to live it. I cannot change how people treat me or what they say about me. All I can do is change the way I react to it.

WTH AMERICA?!: Annoyed by Rape Conception Laws

Right now in the United States of America there are only TWENTY-FIVE states that have laws that protect women who have been raped, conceived a child from that rape, decided to give birth, are able to receive governmental support and prevent the rapist from having  any parental right.  ONLY TWENTY-FIVE.

It shouldn't matter if you are pro-choice or if you are not.  There are women who WILL NOT or CANNOT receive assistance from the government to help raise their child because if they do...the state has to go through the rapist who then has the right to demand visitation rights.  If she decides to give the child up for adoption she still has the fear of being stopped by the biological father.  Their are males out there who will use custody as a threat to prevent women from pressing criminal charges.  Only TWENTY-FIVE states protect women from dealing with their rapist after a child is born.  That.  That bothers me.


To read more on this topic visit the links below:

http://www.hopeafterrapeconception.org/home.html
http://www.31states.com/